Thoughts. Ramblings. Heavy-hipped. Mango-obsessed.

Strange film I watched. Strange.

I watched this weird film the other night – a French film. I didn't catch it from the beginning, but it was about this guy, an artist, who was staying in a hotel for a night or two. I caught it where the guy was taking a walk. He heard an animal in distress, it was coming from a shed. When he looked in, the poor thing was being buggered by a couple of guys.

He walked away.

The hotel owner who initially seemed ok, increasingly got weirder. He was meant to fix the artist's caravan, but instead went through his things and stole nude pics of his girlfriend. He then told the guy that he still hadn't fixed the van when the van was in perfect working order.

When the artist was ready to leave, the hotel guy insisted that he stay for another night (which he did).

During dinner, the hotel guy started talking about his wife, Gloria. She'd left him years ago. She was an artist too, really talented artist. He missed her a lot - when she was around, nothing else mattered, he felt complete.

He then asked the artist-guy to sing for him. The artist said no. He insisted. The artist said no again. He insisted again, saying that the artist owed him for the dinner he'd prepared especially for him..

Reluctantly, he sang.

Then, stopped half-way. Saying he must go to bed now as he had an early start ahead of him.

Why stop now?, the hotel guy said – after the story I've shared with you in confidence – did I tell you half a story?

So the artist sang the rest of the song.

Hotel-guy thanks him for singing such a beautiful song.

Artist-guy heads off to bed.

The next day, hotel-guy goes completely WAWA, pointing at the artist-guy, shouting "I'm not going to let you leave me again, Gloria. Not again". What?, this f*cking guy thinks the artist-guy is Gloria?

He hits the artist real hard on the head with the battery from his van then torches the van. He then drags the guy, unconscious now, back into the hotel, up the stairs into a room where he dresses him up with his wife's clothes.

When the artist comes to, sticky blood on half of his face, the guy's got him tied up and he's shaving his hair (REALLY badly – a patch here, a patch there).

He keeps him tied up, never cleaning the blood off his face, puts him to bed and.... well... use your imagination.

The next day, they go out to get some wood in the forest, 'Gloria' with him, all tied up in the back of the tractor. "I've found myself again", the loony guy says. "Maybe we should reopen the restaurant", he says.

The first opportunity the artist gets, he legs it, running through the woods as fast as his tired feet can carry him.

He doesn't make it.

When they get 'home', the guy nails 'Gloria' to a post in the barn, Jesus-style.

There aren't many folks in this little town – only a handful – there are no women either – but they are all weird as f*ck too. The hotel-guy warns them that if they come anywhere near him or Gloria, he'll shoot them.

Turns out the real Gloria had an affair with one of the guys. That night, this guy Gloria had an affair with and 'his crew' ambush the hotel and there's a shoot-out. Before that, the hotel-guy had untied 'Gloria' for dinner, so while the shoot-out's happening, 'Gloria' bashes hotel-guy on the head and the real Gloria's ex-lover finishes him off with a bullet in his skull.

The hotel guy's dead. Yippeee! The artist is safe. Sigh of relief.

Err. No.

Turns out this guy and his crew think the artist is 'Gloria' too. The guy presses a gun to 'her' cheek, saying "Why did you leave me, Gloria? Was I not good enough?" Then he says to the rest of the crew "make the bitch suffer".

In the midst of being raped, 'Gloria' escapes, running through the woods again but this time being chased by not one, but a bunch of lust-ridden loonies with guns. They send a pig ahead of them to trace 'her' tracks. Yes, people, a sniffer pig (like a sniffer dog.) Oh and this is the same pig they buggered previously.

It's below zero outside, snowing and dark.

It's now getting light and after several hours of trying to track down 'Gloria', the crew give up. But the ex-lover keeps going. He sees 'Gloria' ahead of him. Walking over a frozen lake, he falls through a vulnerable crack of ice. He's reaching out, asking 'Gloria' to help him. 'She' turns round, walks slowly toward him and watches him. He begs. 'She' crouches down and watches him.

He asks 'her' why she went away, whether she loves him.

The water is sucking him under.

"Say you love me".



"I love you"

'Say it louder'

'I love you'.

The guy goes under.

'Gloria' stares.

(A few snapshots of the village)


Well scripted, directed and shot. I can't remember the name of the film but boy was it weird, interesting, disturbing. The whole production probably needed therapy afterwards.

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