Thoughts. Ramblings. Heavy-hipped. Mango-obsessed.

Sexism, Misogny - the Great Sex Divide...

I was reading this blog last night.

And it made me think of my experience in the world of women & misogyny & claiming our tongues.

Some men don't realise when they're being sexist - everything about a woman is for their sexual pleasure - you can be a lesbian as long as they can watch, you can masturbate as long as they can watch. When you choose to pleasure yourself for yourself, it becomes a problem 'cos they're not part of the equation.

I performed at this event once - where most of the people were into hip-hop - the woman that came on before me had a short skirt on - whining up her waist and stuff - the crowd was cheering - really getting into her & the music.

Then I came on with a long jeans skirt & a t-shirt saying 'Phenomenal-Woman', asking the ladies to say they love their vaginas. You could have heard a pin drop. I moved on and did my poem.

When a woman claims her sexuality for herself, when she uses it to honour herself, it doesn't wash with a crowd that's used to seeing women objectified.

It really hit me hard - I went into the toilet and cried my eyes out - so much for a Phenomenal Woman.

Took me a while to get my groove back. The energy in there made me feel like I'd said something wrong, like I was dirty.

A couple of months later, I was performing at this other event and another performer approached me – turns out he was at the other event I did – he was a Christian - and he challenged me about using the word 'Vagina', then asked me what religion my parents were.   So.   Apparently. It's ok for a woman to whine up in front of you, but it's not ok for me to say the word 'Vagina'?   OK.

The woman that writes this blog has had enough – she's about to shut it down. She's worn herself out – which is what happens when you give energy out and less comes back. I know the feeling.

Go read her blog – you might not agree with everything she's got to say or with her approach, but if you love it, like it (or just like parts of it) and you can see yourself going back every now & then, please send her an email to let her know.

Have a nice weekend, y'all... men & women...



Anonymous said...

I read your comment on Becky's blog and it brought tears to my eyes. Your story was a very powerful one. I am glad you expanded on that comment and made it into a post and I'm glad to have found you via that comment.

Ebele said...

Thank you so much for passing thru & saying that. Appreciate it. Really.

take care...

eastcoastdweller said...

I read Your comment, too. Very insightful -- You make a valid point. Men will buy porno mags of two teenage blonde bombshells French kissing, but when two forty-something Women want to hold hands and live together, they suddenly get all moralistic.

Ebele said...

Hi eastcoastdweller. Thanks for dropping by.

Yes, some men (but not all - thank god) can be like that. My ex was a lovely lovely bloke, he still is, but everytime I mentioned exploring my sexuality with a woman, he asked if he could watch. I told him it was something I wanted to explore for myself, not for his tittilation.


Bloggrrl said...

How many black eyes did you give the other performer? What crap.

I wish I could see you perform. I'm totally into all that. There ARE people out there who appreciate good art.

Any girlfriend I've ever had would have laughed her ass off at any guy who wanted to watch. Pleeeze.

Ebele said...

hi bloggrrl! it's really good to hear from you.

Alas, when I was challenged by that guy, I didn't say much - shock, being taken by surprise. It wasn't good timing either as I was due to go on stage about half-hour later.

I got my own back though in my own little way 'cos when I got on stage, I did a piece about my grandmother's tits. That couldn't have gone down too well with him I don't think.

But more importantly, the minute I was up there doing my thing, I (re)discovered a piece of my own puzzle. And that felt good.

So I should thank him really.